Randi Kreiss

To hell and back: riding the LIRR

Posted

They’ve got you coming and going.

The Metropolitan Transportation Authority, which runs the Long Island Rail Road, seems to be saying, “Not my job.”

The agency is abdicating responsibility for the ongoing delays, breakdowns and confusion on LIRR lines — as if the cascading failures are beyond its administrative reach. Blame falls on “weather” or “deteriorating infrastructure”; what a surprise that 100-year-old structures are falling apart. And the MTA is just one step ahead of Gov. Andrew Cuomo and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, who act as if the train problems in are an act of God rather than a failure of government planning.

According to CBS, “In what’s becoming an all-too-familiar occurrence, commuters at Penn Station dealt with significant delays and cancellations at the height of the Wednesday-evening rush . . .

“How frustrated am I? I don’t want to live in New York anymore,” one man told CBS. The LIRR has been called the worst commuter railroad in the United States.

I get it. I took the train twice this week, and already I’m disgusted. The trip began with a 10-minute delay on the outbound leg, not terrible except for the pounding rain. On the return, the announcer in Jamaica told us to move to Track 6 for the Far Rockaway train. Then he said, “No, wait a minute. That’s gonna change.” I’m wondering, who is this guy and where is he? His disembodied voice moved hordes of commuters, as if by remote control.

“No, not Track 6,” he said. “Track 4.” And everyone started stampeding up the steps and across the bridge to the other track. People couldn’t hear the announcer very well because he seemed to be gargling with marbles. Other commuters just wandered aimlessly from one track to another.

Then he said, “Far Rockaway train on Track 4 is 17 minutes behind schedule.” When it came, the car I was shoved into was filthy. Spilled coffee covered the floor. And what I noted (as an infrequent commuter) was how docile the regulars were. Oh, spilled coffee? I’ll just rest my attaché in the puddle.

Business as usual. Whether it’s track problems, signal problems, Amtrak problems or weather problems, the result is a crowded mess that paralyzes Penn Station.

I was particularly disheartened because I recently returned from Japan, where riding on a train is like a visit to Disneyland, but better. We took trains from Yokohama to Tokyo and back, and from Kyoto to Narita Airport (a seven-hour ride), with a change in Tokyo. Japan has six privately owned railroad companies. The system is complex but highly efficient. Train cars are spotless and on time. No one would even think of eating or drinking on a train. You know the big “oops” at stations in New York, when people fall over the yellow line and onto the tracks? That can’t happen in Japan, because electronic gates open and close as the trains move in and out.

Cleaners work inside the cars, picking up the nonexistent dust. Seats are set aside for the elderly. Everyone is quiet.

And we haven’t even talked about the bullet train. That was our trip from Kyoto to Narita. You’re not going to believe this.

We had reserved seats on the elegant bullet train. Employees wheeled food and beverage carts up and down the aisles, offering snacks and drinks. The ride was expensive, but worth it.

Unfortunately, when we got to Tokyo, we discovered that our connecting bullet train was canceled, and we would have to take a “local” to the airport. We did. When we got off at Narita, there were four uniformed employees standing at the exit, apologizing profusely for the canceled train and offering us an immediate refund for the difference in price. Much bowing ensued.

As LIRR veterans, we almost needed to be resuscitated. We have been abused for so long by the LIRR that we were unaccustomed to being treated as valued customers.

We were amazed by the pride the train employees took in getting things right, and the responsibility they assumed when something went wrong.

But don’t worry. Cuomo has big plans for Penn Station, Amtrak and the LIRR: a $3 billion project that will transform the misery that is Penn Station into a state-of-the-art, high-tech, beautiful transportation hub. You’ll be able to eat off the floor . . . if you have a death wish.

Really. And it will all be completed by 2020. Three years. Yup. Just as soon as the governor finishes making LaGuardia great again. And then, with all the money he’ll save by coming in under budget, he’ll start work on the Brooklyn Bridge. Really.

Copyright © 2017 Randi Kreiss. Randi can be reached at randik3@aol.com.