Where, O Where Art Thou?

A couple of years ago, a buddy of mine told me that he obviously loves hanging out with all of us, meaning our group of friends, but he’d like to find the right girl and get married eventually. In that instance, it meant he was going on a first date that weekend instead of hanging with us. We’d all done that many times, which he pointed out as well.

The concept of “the one” is a hard one to wrap our minds around. There are certainly a few different ways to look at it, and the way each person chooses is determined by individual beliefs and experiences. For me, though, I’ve noticed that my views on the topic have changed a bit over the years.

Up until a few years ago, I had the belief that everyone (or at least the vast majority of people) has that one, individual, special person out there who’s “the one” for them. That one person who is the perfect fit for them in every way, who makes their heart sing and makes them happy in every way. And that they’re out there, waiting to be found.

Hmmm… maybe not.

Looking back on that now, for better or worse, I view that perspective as being rather naïve and, point blank, just young.

As you know from what I’ve mentioned in a few of my previous columns, over the years I’ve frequently had some rather, um, interesting experiences in my dating life. I’ve certainly had some immensely positive experiences in this arena, but I’ve also definitely had some that fall on the negative side of the spectrum.

I’m a big believer in trying to make something positive out of negative things if at all possible, and I’ve used those more negative dating and relationship ventures as learning experiences… to take a second and step back and evaluate what happened and why, and also re-evaluate my thoughts about things in the big picture.

And through the experiences I’ve had over the past several years, my thoughts about the concept of “the one” have certainly morphed a bit — dare I say, become more mature. Now, I believe that there isn’t JUST “the one” person out there who is a perfect fit for everyone. I’ve come to realize that, in reality, there is no perfect fit for a partner for anyone. It’s a matter of finding someone who’s as close as we can get to our image of perfection, and whose traits that we aren’t as in love with, well… we’d be able to live with them for the rest of our lives (thanks, Mom).
Now, don’t misunderstand my meaning or my approach about dating; I’m still the first to admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. Sometimes I think the operative word there is hopeless, but that’s a story for another time.

The truth is, whether you have the more romanticized view of “the one,” or the more “mature” view on the topic, there’s only so much control that any of us single folk have (and all you married people as well, before you found that special person) over if and when we find that partner with whom to spend the rest of our lives. To an extent, it’s a numbers game. The more people you meet and go out with, the better chance you have to find your partner, through the cloud of misfires.

But even then, there’s only so much that anyone can do. To an extent, it’s up to the universe and fate to determine how this rolls for each of us individually. And as crazy as I know this sounds, I’ve learned that through making an intentional effort to meet the right person, we also just have to have faith that the stars will align, and that special someone will eventually find their way to each one of us.

“One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.” – Hasidic Saying

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