Waiting out the nervousness

Waiting rooms. We’ve all been there. We arrive on time for appointments, fill out the proper paperwork and aimlessly flip through magazines, yet we are still stuck waiting. The time ticks by as we watch everyone be called in except us and we wonder, “When will it finally be our turn?” This is exactly how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks, now that college applications are in and there seems to be absolutely nothing left to do but wait and wait and wait.

We are anxious each time we check our emails, each time we watch another senior post a college acceptance status on Facebook. We share in our friends’ early decision acceptances and rejections, somehow making our friendships bind just a little tighter. The word college seems to set our teeth on edge as we face the choices that lay ahead. Where will we get in? Will it be our top choice? When will we know? Answers aren’t coming quickly enough

September began with an exhausting frenzy of applications, essays, college visits and testing. Seniors pushed themselves at a high speed work mode during late nights, early mornings and everything in-between, only to now find themselves at a standstill. I refuse to be stuck in this seemingly endless traffic jam of anticipation.

I can’t lie and say that the thought of college doesn’t cross my mind, because it does. Every day. Of course I’m scared of my future but, then again, who isn’t? I’m trying to look at this wait time as a blessing in disguise: a chance we, as seniors, are all given to evaluate how we will conduct ourselves the rest of our senior year. Will we coast to the finish line? Or will we take every chance along the way to make it memorable?

I’m choosing the latter. That’s why I’ve made it a point to distract myself with everything I can possibly take out of my senior year, especially during the holiday season. So far I’ve attended every boys varsity basketball home game since the team began into its season three weeks ago. I’ve organized Secret Santa exchanges and even made a trip to Target on a whim last week with friends, on a quest for ugly Christmas sweaters and holiday decorations.

So yes, I am nervous. I’m nervous about next year and just exactly where I’ll be. But what makes me more nervous is allowing myself to miss out on a year I’ll never get back. Most would hardly consider it “busy” to spend an hour on a Thursday night racing on carts through the aisles of Target with your friends or stringing ornaments to decorate your math room, but I think that’s exactly what I should be doing right now. I should be busy right now doing absolutely nothing because, in a few months, that absolute nothing that I might have done on a Thursday is what I’ll remember most.

So for a while I think I’ll keep my finger off the refresh button on my email and watch the mailbox a little less closely, because there’s absolutely everything else to do instead.