Editorial

Talk with your teen about the prom

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“Even as you get all dressed up and glow with the anticipation of this coming night, keep in mind that there will be times in your life that are painful and there will be many, so many, setbacks. Tonight, throw yourself into life and savor it fully. Make memories that are full of giddy, heart-stopping joy and grieving tears of imminent separations. Revel in it all because these will be the memories that carry you through the difficult times that give your life meaning.”

That was Dr. Michael Ungar, writing about the meaning of prom night in a May 13, 2013, column for Psychology Today. Ungar stressed that young people should treat the prom as special. Teenagers should feel the thrill of the occasion, dressing not as children but as young adults at a very formal affair with profound meaning. The prom is, metaphorically speaking, a doorway to adulthood.

The trouble is that too many young people see the prom as a chance –– in many cases, their first chance –– to partake in forbidden fruit. All of the potentially dangerous activities that might be seen as taboo are suddenly –– in a teen’s eyes, at least — acceptable. Substance use and sex are often part and parcel of prom night.

Ungar recommended that parents sit down with their soon-to-be-adult children for serious conversations in the weeks before the prom. Tell them, as Ungar wrote, that they should feel that giddy, heart-stopping joy, but help them understand that the decisions they make that night can have lifelong consequences.

People –– teens and adults –– make really dumb choices when they’re drunk or high. Driving under the influence can maim and kill. An unwanted pregnancy can irreversibly alter the course of not only the teenage mother’s life, but the lives of everyone around her, even if she has an abortion. The psychological scars can last years, if not decades.

At the same time, graduates must remember that the celebrations they revel in as high school comes to a close are not an end, but a beginning, Ungar wrote. The week or month after it’s all over can be something of a letdown. Suddenly, life is back to normal. Work and study return. There are expectations.

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