Overcoming the travails of military romance

“If you really care about someone, if you really love them, and you see yourself growing old with them, you’ll change to make the other one comfortable,” Michelle Conner said, after sharing the love story about her and her husband, Will, a few days before Valentines Day.
The Seaford couple, who will be married 10 years this May, lived through a number of trials surrounding military service yet learned always to respect each other, which allowed them both to follow their dreams. “It’s kind of a funny joke that we fight over who loves each other more,” Michelle, 38, said.
Will, 34, served in the Marine Corps for eight years, including two seven-month tours in Al Anbar Province, Iraq, for. Serving in a mechanized security unit, he was a machine gunner atop a Humvee. The roads were prime targets for improvised explosive devices — IEDs. “The American military had created [them] ... No Iraqi civilians were allowed on [them], and so they knew that if they set a bomb on there, they were going to get a military person.”
As the scout vehicle, Will’s Humvee was the first to search a road at night, ensuring that it was cleared of IEDs. “It turns out we weren’t very good at that, because we hit a lot of IEDs,” he said.
Will was hurt more than a dozen times throughout his tours, but the worst incident was on Sept. 10, 2006 — the day before the five-year anniversary of 9/11. Will was knocked unconscious alongside four other unit members. “The blast kind of blew the truck apart, and I got a lot of scrapes and cuts, and I blew out both my eardrums,” he said.

The 5-foot 10-inch marine received a Purple Heart a few weeks after the explosion, Michelle said. He was also diagnosed with traumatic brain injury (TBI) shortly after arriving home. He still suffers from memory and hearing loss.
According to TraumaticBrainInjury.com, the severity of TBI depends on which part of the brain is injured. Loss of higher cognitive function occurs with injuries to the frontal lobes, while coordination and balance are effected by cerebellum injuries. When the brainstem is injured, cardiovascular function can be affected.
After returning to the U.S, Will was evaluated at Northport VA, and then at the VA office in East Meadow. Will then consulted doctors at Rusk Rehabilitation at NYU Langone Health. “I just wanted to get him the best care, and the VA, unfortunately, isn’t [the best],” she said.
Michelle said it took the VA 18 months to get Will’s personal records, and they would not see him until they had the records.

An important friend
U.S. Rep. Peter King lives across the street from the Conner family and helped the couple to understand their VA paperwork, Michelle said. King also reached out to the VA to make sure Will was receiving everything he needed. “He’s been a huge asset to us,” she said.
The first time Michelle noticed Will’s hearing loss was at a Billy Joel concert, in July 2008. The couple was seated at the top of the Citi Field stadium, and Will could not hear the concert very well. Michelle went down to ask the attendants if their seats could be switched. They told her Billy Joel loves veterans, and the couple was moved to the second row.
Michelle said she also notices her husband’s memory issues as well. He occasionally forgets to make phone calls, for example. To compensate, he writes notes to himself. He also helps their two sons, seven-year-old Lucas and four-year-old Jake, with their homework. At night, Will opens the kids’ lunch boxes and lays everything out, so he remembers to pack them in the morning. “Will is an amazing person at compensating,” she said. “There is really nothing he can’t do. It’s kind of crazy.”
Michelle said she is not concerned about Will’s medical issues now, but is scared that he might develop dementia or Alzheimer’s as the couple ages. She said Will has not shown any symptoms of PTSD, but those issues may develop as Will ages as well. “My fear is more of the internal struggle down the line,” she said.

A love story
The couple met in March 2006, when they were introduced through friends. Michelle, who grew up in Wantagh, had a friend, Janelle Livingstone, who was dating a marine stationed in San Diego. The marine, Michael Marotta, Will’s roommate. Michelle asked Livingstone if Marotta had any friends she could speak with, while Livingstone spoke with her fellow. Marotta passed Michelle’s number to Will. He called for the first time on March 20. “Before I knew it, we would sit on the phone for probably four to five hours a night,” she said.
In April, Will told Michelle that he was deploying to Iraq for a second tour. “He said we could email and we could write letters, but pretty much once he was gone, I may not hear form him for awhile,” he said.
Before being deployed, Will was given three weeks’ leave to visit his family. He still had not met Michelle face to face, so He traveled to New York. “I don’t know if he would say it was love at first sight,” she said. “I think we were like super-awkward to each other.” Will stayed at Michelle’s parents’ house for a week before taking her to visit to his hometown of State College, Pennsylvania. He deployed at the beginning of August.
Will wanted to study architecture. While still in Iraq, he applied to Polytechnic School in Pasadena, Calif., and the New York Institute of Technology, in Old Westbury. After returning from Iraq in March 2007, he was honorably discharged and was ready to begin classes by late August. “He said if he got into [Polytechnic], I would move to San Diego, and if he got into NYIT, he would move here,” she said. “He didn’t get into Cal Poly, so it made it easy.” He graduated from NYIT with a bachelor’s degree in architecture in 2012.
After moving into an apartment in Massapequa, Will proposed to Michelle in November 2007. The couple married in May 2009; they moved to Seaford three years later.
Will currently works as an architect at Baxt Ingui Architects in Manhattan — an interior design and architectural firm with experience in commercial, residential and institutional projects, according to the company’s website. Michelle works as an ongoing service coordinator in the Nassau County Department of Health early intervention department. She also has a side business, Delaney Blue Photography, specializing in baby photos.
Michelle advised young couples to know each other’s wants in life, such as where to live, and whether or not to have children or own a house. “It’s very important to know what you want, and to both agree, especially on the big stuff,” she said.