Thanks

A timely icebreaker involving a group of colleagues and students asked them to introduce themselves and identify their favorite Thanksgiving food or tradition. Mashed potatoes and leftovers were clear winners, along with spending time with (and in some cases avoiding) family and friends.

I have warm and respectful feelings for Thanksgiving and I do try to acknowledge my thanks for health and household, not just at the end of November but if I remember, each day. I just admit that although it may seem traitorous for an article about Thanksgiving, some thanks are getting harder to state and share.

I have hoped for the return of health to loved ones who are diminishing both physically and mentally, but am disappointed at how unrealistic that can be. I have tried to rest my head and fall asleep without a mental inventory of the bills that are coming due, the hours of work that must get done and the people who need to get a call or text from me to hopefully lift their spirits.

And when I am asked how I am doing, my life takes on new descriptive code words such as "challenging and demanding" as I try to figure out why the world has changed so dramatically compared to when the kids dressed like pilgrims and the only decision was apple vs. pumpkin when it came to pie.

I am concerned for the world for my family and all families. I am concerned that my frail mom won't be able to ascend the three steps to enter our home and share our celebration. I am saddened for the loss that is part of the cycle of life. I wonder what the New Year will bring.

So if I express some bitter sweetness when asked to give thanks, please do not judge me. It's not about the spirit of the holiday. It's about finding the spirit in myself to celebrate the holiday, all of its facets, once again.

A contributing writer to the Herald since 2012, Lauren Lev is an East Meadow resident and a direct marketing/advertising executive who teaches advertising and marketing communications courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology/SUNY, LIU Post and SUNY Old Westbury.