‘A tremendous loss’

Adrian Allain, a member of the Baldwin Fire Department and a British Army veteran, committed suicide on March 31. He was 49. Allain was very popular in the community and established the British-American Social Society to celebrate the two countries’ cultures and raise money for charities. Since his death nearly two months ago, community groups and businesses have organized benefits for his family, including one on May 30 at South Nassau Christian Church.

Courtesy Deidre Stammers

Friends and family describe Allain as a fun-loving people person.

Courtesy Deidre Stammers

Adrian Allain with his wife Deidre Stammers, and children, from left, Zoe, Molly, Duncan and Fiona, on Memorial Day six years ago.

Courtesy Deidre Stammers

Allain and Stammers married in 1993 after meeting four years earlier.

Courtesy Deidre Stammers

Allain served in the British Army for six years in the 1980s.

Courtesy Deidre Stammers

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Adrian Allain did a lot of living during his time on earth. The father of four, a native of London, spent six years in the British Army, moved to New York after marrying Deidre Stammers in 1993, founded a nonprofit organization to celebrate British culture, joined the Baldwin Fire Department and played keyboards in a band. But on March 31, Allain took his own life. He was 49.

“He loved life,” said Stammers. “It’s just so mind-numbing. He was this hilarious, happy guy who everybody loved, and [he] couldn’t do enough stuff for people, and it’s just so tragic.

“It’s such a tremendous loss,” she added. “Not only for my family, but the whole community.”

Although Stammers said that Allain never spoke about his service in the British Army, she believes he had undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder. He was stationed in Northern Ireland in the 1980s, which was convulsed by the sectarian conflict between British unionists and Irish nationalists known as the Troubles — and, Stammers learned, he had been aboard a helicopter that was shot down. Of the 12 people aboard, Allain was one of two survivors, she said.

When he was sleeping, she recalled, he would sometimes shout military commands. “He would fight wars in his sleep,” she said. “He was just the nicest guy. You would never know that he had this history.”

Starting a life together
In 1989, during her junior year at Stony Brook University, Stammers traveled to Brighton, England, to study at the University of Sussex. There she met Allain — they lived in the same apartment building — who also attended Sussex.

They began dating, and continued to do so despite living on opposite sides of the Atlantic after Stammers returned to Long Island to finish her degree. The two married in New York in 1993. They moved to England for a year while Allain finished his degree, before coming back to Queens and eventually settling in Baldwin and beginning a family. They had four children — Fiona, now 18, Molly, 15, Zoe, 13, and Duncan, 11. All attend Oceanside schools except Fiona, who graduated last year.