Total Recall - Inferior Remake

** out of *****

Running time: 118 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 (for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief nudity, and language).

If you have fond memories of such films as Blade Runner, The Fifth Element, I, Robot or even (shudder) Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, then don't bother with this shoddy remake of Paul Verhoeven's 1990 film. You've seen everything in this picture before, and you've seen it done better.

My son, with whom I share a love of great science fiction films, suggested that this derivative retread is just a poor paste-up job of action sequences, design work and plot devices from other pictures, where you can still see the glue drying around the edges.

This lamentable retooling of the original film follows the adventures of a futuristic blue collar workman (Colin Farrell) whose past may be more than his memories recall it to be. He lives with his wife (Kate Beckinsale) in a run-down city in a post-apocalyptic future Earth where only Australia and England are habitable. His life seems destined to be an endless repetition of the 8,000 mile commute to and from work (in 17 minutes, through the core), assembling production models of robot policemen which George Lucas will eventually hire as extras in his motion pictures.

Farrell's character is/may be a spy/assassin/mastermind/stunt driver/expert kisser. That's the plot, for what it's worth. The last 90 minutes of the film are a chase, a shootout, another shootout, another chase, a bit of dialogue to feebly explain why all the chasing and shooting is happening, a bigger shootout, a more elaborate chase and a denouement which cannot come too soon.

The number of bullets fired from one of Ms. Beckinsale's guns alone equals all the shots fired by Roy Rogers in all his motion pictures put together. Belief in this film cannot be suspended. It must be eradicated.

The picture's failure must be blamed on director Len Wiseman, whose previous works including two of the Underworld franchise pictures and Live Free and Die Hard. He layers no humor into this project and never manages to bring its dystopian vision of a grim future to life.

Not that the screenplay merited a summer blockbuster budget. The script by Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback lacks cohesion, believable characters and situations. Further, it deliberately forsakes being faithful to the original story, "We Can Remember it for You Wholesale," by Philip K. Dick.

The best science fiction films tend to include ample portions of humor and social satire. The new Total Recall's flat-footed devotion to non-stop action makes one appreciate all the more Verhoeven's first incarnation of the picture, as well as his other contributions to the genre.

From 1987-1997 Paul Verhoeven made a string of richly-layered satirical science fiction movies. He had something to say about law enforcement and corporate manipulation (Robocop), totalitarianism and racism (Starship Troopers) and gross consumerism and governmental corruption (Total Recall). These are the sort of films one can see again and again throughout one's life, by choice or happenstance. When was the last time you were channel surfing and came across one of these pictures and didn't sit through what was left until the end? They're like amusing old friends who have dropped in for a visit.

This cannot be said of the new Total Recall. It has its moments, most notably an early floating car chase, and the classy bad-girl performance by Beckinsale (director Wiseman's wife). But by the movie's mid-point the audience was growing restless, suggesting that they felt as if it would never end. Skip it, in the theaters and on any subsequent occasions which may present themselves.