Bribery: Is going along to get along OK?

Have you ever paid a bribe? Before you leap to the self-righteous response, think about it.

Ever tip a maitre d’ for a table? Ever tip a person to take away a box when it isn’t part of the delivery deal? Or ask the repairman to “just take a look” at something not officially part of his job? Basically, have you ever requested preferential treatment from anybody, at any time, and paid for the favor? Well, my friend, you’ve paid a bribe.

Most of us have. But imagine going to the DMV to get a new license plate and the clerk demands $25 to put through the paperwork — or else it most certainly will get “lost.” Or how would it feel to get stopped by a police officer who asks for $50 to let you go even though both of you know that no infraction was committed? Or what about being asked for money to get an appointment for your chemotherapy?

Welcome to India, where corruption is endemic, accepted and pervasive. It also seems to work in a weird sort of way. Imagine a broken-down wagon lumbering along. That would be India. Now imagine grease on the wheels …

We recently returned from a trip during which we spent time in Chennai, Cochin and Mumbai. Our guides spoke openly about how bribery works to get licenses and building permits and jobs. You can bribe your way out of a criminal charge, jail time or poor grades. Diplomas can be purchased, building variances can be accelerated, infractions in business can be overlooked, food violations can be ignored and embarrassing police charges can be quashed, all with a well-placed bribe. You can buy a witness to support your legal case or pay a witness to disappear.

Even though buses aren’t permitted on various streets in Mumbai because of the overwhelming congestion, we parked everywhere because our tour company was “connected.” Our guide said that on any given day, some 30 percent of India’s teachers don’t show up for work. They pay bribes to become no-shows. Same with some doctors in rural areas. Just read “The White Tiger” if you don’t believe me.