Taking the long way around — very slowly

Randi Kreiss

Recently I’ve encountered a number of people in their 20s and 30s who are feeling afraid and stressed because they don’t yet know what they want to “do” or “be” in life. Some have finished college with no idea of what to do next. Some are working at lackluster jobs. The road ahead seems endless and featureless. No profession, no job, no intellectual pursuit feels compelling.

Whether you’re the young adult in question or the parent, do not panic. Above all, do not begin any sentence with, “When I was your age . . .”

Because when we were their age, the work paradigm was different. You grew up, got a job and kept it if you could. Then you retired and moved to Florida. Now, even though the sluggish economy puts financial pressure on the decision-making process, I’ve come to think that it’s better to wander and explore before focusing intensely on a career.

When our daughter announced that she was taking a year off after graduating from college in the late ’90s, my husband and I panicked. Because of our own life experience (as hopeless grinds), we had trouble with the idea of postponing serious work or advanced studies. And our daughter wasn’t much help. When she announced her decision, she had no clear idea what, exactly, she would do or where she would live.

Unthinkable in our day.

I was upset that she didn’t have a plan, as in a life plan. Now I have come around to seeing the merits of allowing oneself time to ponder the future.

Most of our difficulty with the no-plan plan is our own history. My husband and I were super-directed, on track and on time. We’d known each other since junior high school and planned to marry in July, right after graduation from college. That was what couples did in 1968; they got married when they finished school.

We both had jobs lined up. That was a given. We were in such a rush that we decided to graduate a semester early, work for half a year and have that money with which to begin married life.