Grab a slice of life at your nearest pizzeria

No wonder I’m feeling full. In the past year I consumed 23 pounds of pizza. That’s an average figure, of course, according to PMQ, the largest pizza industry media company, but it feels about right to me.
Between the freezing cold, the isolation and the dreaded question, “What’s for dinner?” we’re all busting out of our pants. Forget Covid; we’re going to eat ourselves to death.
Especially during the pandemic, pizza has been the go-to food for ordering in, since it moves from the superheated baking oven into the box and then onto our plates untouched by human hands. I do believe I ate more pizza between 2020 and 2022 than in the five years before. It not only felt safe but, in a happy coincidence, it tasted delicious and comforting and indulgent. When you’re contemplating a possible early demise from a fearsome plague, I say bring on the pizza pie.
On Wednesday we celebrated National Pizza Day, a tribute to this perfect food comprising bread, cheese and dozens of toppings that may include pepperoni, peppers, mushrooms, onions, sausage and eggplant. I refuse to mention outlier toppings like pineapple or clams, which honestly are a sacrilege, a violation of the single food that is on everyone’s last-meal list. Someone I know has asked his family to slip a pizza into his own box when the time comes, so he will have nourishment for his journey to the great beyond. Hey, the ancient Egyptians did it.
There is no exaggerating the popularity of pizza in our culture. At this pivotal time in America, when people cannot and will not agree to take proven, lifesaving vaccines, when they cannot decide whether to read a book or burn it, when they refuse to wear masks that will keep them safe from a deadly virus, when, ladies and gentlemen, America is basically coming apart at the seams, behold the pizza. In all its round deliciousness, it pulls us together, completing the circle of life.

National Pizza Day helps us appreciate that this humble food may be the last thing holding us together. I have never encountered a human being who disliked pizza. And we all claim rights to its origins. The common wisdom is that it came to us from Italy, possibly as early as the time of the Romans, when people ate panis foccacious, the beta version of modern-day focaccia and the precursor to pizza. According to Wikipedia, Persians were baking flatbreads with cheese and dates on top as early as the sixth century B.C. In Ancient Greece, citizens made a flatbread called plakous that was flavored with toppings like herbs, onion, cheese and garlic.
Some have suggested that the origins of modern pizza can be traced to pizzarelle, Passover cookies eaten by Roman Jews after they returned from the synagogue on that holiday. Israeli leader Abba Eban famously wrote, “Some scholars think pizza was first made more than 2,000 years ago when Roman soldiers added cheese and olive oil to matzah.”
Nice try, Mr. Eban, but no way. Pizza comes our way from Naples. It was always the basic food of the poor in southern Italy, and it was there that people first discovered the delights of adding tomatoes to the flatbread they baked. It was only a matter of time until someone thought to slice some nice mozzarella on top.
Today it’s the big chains that do the booming pizza business, bouncing back nicely from Covid lockdowns and accommodating the situation with advanced delivery options. Privately owned pizza places are also climbing out of the pandemic slump with more business and much higher prices. A pizza that sold for $1.50 in 1950 can go for $25 today, depending on the toppings.
In Naples, people eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which seems like a fine idea to me. It first came to America in the early 1900s. In 1943, Chicago deep-dish pie was created, a misguided attempt to improve on the original.
Today, some folks prefer “healthy” pizza, with kale and cauliflower crusts. Totally unacceptable.
It is a fine thing to open that cardboard box and slide out a greasy slice. We can agree on this, right? And no frozen pizza, no bagel pizza, no flatbread pizza or any other adulteration will suffice. In addition, and for all time, let’s agree that the best pizza topping is pepperoni, made from mysterious cured pork and a random mix of spices.
Tell me that bright red color doesn’t scream “health food.”

Copyright 2022 Randi Kreiss. Randi can be reached at randik3@aol.com.