‘Starting over’ is a work in progress

There isn’t much that separates a senior in high school from a freshman in college. With only two months of summer sandwiched in between, it is not likely that you will experience a butterfly-like transformation, in which you effortlessly become a mature and self-sufficient adult just in time for the first day of college.
Although some may attribute these qualities to the ideal college student, they cannot be attained simply because you have been given a college ID and a class schedule. I discovered that a transformation like this is a work in progress, and that the person I was as a high school senior, is not far off from who I am today — nearly halfway done with my first year of college.
In high school, we were told repeatedly that college was the only time we would get a “start over” button. At first, this thought was comforting. It was a chance to finally discard that persistent nickname, or to do something out of character without being judged. The way I saw it, I was given an opportunity to reshape the person I was, meet new people, and explore different interests.
I soon realized, however, that starting over isn’t as easy as it appeared. I still had the same talents and the same flaws. I still had the same study habits, and I gravitated towards the clubs and classes I pursued before. I even caught myself comparing the new friends I made to the ones I had at home. Shifting into a new group of friends was one of the hardest adjustments I had to make, and it is one that I did not realize I struggled with until much later into the semester.
At first, making friends during the first couple of weeks wasn’t as daunting as I thought it would be. Everyone was as eager to connect and talk to someone as I was. We were away from our family and friends, slept in foreign beds resembling gymnasium mats, and were still learning the ways of the campus, scrambling from one class to another with schedules in hand. In fear of being alone, we introduced ourselves to one another with an extra dash of enthusiasm and friendliness.

But as the weeks progressed and we became desensitized to the new-car smell of college, I realized that although I got along with the group of friends I had made, we were ultimately strangers to one another. I missed my old friends, who knew me better than anyone else, and I kept expecting my new group to replicate the one I left behind. I came to understand that I haven’t spent years with these friends, and that like all relationships, time would be our greatest bonding factor.
With Thanksgiving break here, I am grateful for the fact that I don’t need a “start over” button. I can’t, nor do I want to cling to the past or delineate so much from it that I can no longer recognize myself. I want to find a balance, and grow gradually along with the new friends that I have made. I am excited to go home and see my family and old friends, but I also know that I will be just as eager to return to campus when the holiday ends.

Kohn, an Atlantic Beach resident, is a freshman at SUNY New Paltz.