Criticism: Hurtful and helpful

Hurtful criticism can undermine your confidence, increasing your tendency to give up on yourself or on whatever you wish to achieve. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s turn to “American Idol” to see how you can use criticism well.

Judges on that program critique a participant’s every move. Sometimes they’re kind, other times they’re downright insulting. But if you’re a contestant, you listen. Why? Because your goal is to improve your performance. And it’s easier to do that when you receive on-target, enlightened feedback about your performance.

Criticism generally highlights how you fell short of the mark. Harsh criticism may be meant to demean (i.e. “How could you have done such a piss poor job?”) If you’ve gotten almost no effort to work or think you’re a star when you’re actually a bimbo, you may well deserve such a comment. You’re wasting everybody’s time by not taking a responsibility seriously. However, if you’ve put in the effort, yet your performance is still knocked, reframe it as a critique.

A critique is a discriminating review, often used for works of art and literature. When an editor critiques a magazine article, she’s doing it to help the write get it published. When a theater critic critiques a show, he’s commenting on what works and doesn’t work. This can actually be quite helpful to a show’s success. Most NYC shows open out-of-town so that they can receive a critique before their big opening night, work out the kinks and then have their best chance of opening on Broadway to rave reviews.

Next time you receive criticism (wanted or unwanted), challenge yourself to see what value it might have for you. Here’s how Samantha, a fledgling artist, learned to accept criticism well: “I was always so afraid of what others would think. Not anymore. I don’t let anyone intimidate me. I’ve even asked friends to critique my work. I would never have thought of doing this before because I was so emotionally fragile. The feedback I’ve received has been surprisingly valuable.”

Especially if you were raised in the era of endless praise, you may wish there was nothing about you to criticize. Whatever you do is fine. Whatever you say is great. Whatever you think is fantastic.

But don’t kid yourself. It’s not true. Listen instead to the words of Winston Churchill: “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

©2011

Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns. Contact her at lsapadin@drsapadin.com or visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com. 

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