Please, extend my regrets

Last week we all received an invitation to a party whose response card sought an answer of “regrets only.” My less than socially adept third cousin apparently took the request for “regrets only” to heart, and thereby proceeded to fill not only the card but several sheets of paper with lists and lists of all that which he ... regrets.

While I gaze about and thank G-d I have been blessed (poo-poo) with no regrets regarding marriage, family, career and community, I can't help but note that there are some areas I not so much “gret” as ... re-gret, and thus:

I regret not taking all those nap I could've taken as a kid ... I regret agreeing in 1966 to my sisters' demand that I give away my 900-plus comic book collection ... I regret telling the school jerk that he and his lackey were both jerks, and then losing the school election by two votes ... I regret not appreciating the academic side of high school ... I regret eating all those corned beef, salami, and tongue sandwiches ... I regret being jealous of some and disdainful of others ... I regret not saving my favorite CCNY sweatshirt, and not being able to fit into the leather bomber jacket I did save ... I regret not taking piano lessons (and those television emergency broadcast tests) more seriously ... I regret not doing stuff before I have to ... I regret being repeatedly entrapped by chocolate ... I regret never learning to program the VCR before it was replaced by TIVO and regret not learning to TIVO ... I regret I didn't learn photography ... I regret I hoarded subway tokens ... I regret I can't read Don Quixote in the original Spanish and the Talmud in the original Aramaic ... I regret I can't spell “rhythm,” “benefit” and “Mississippi” without having to look them up ... I regret losing items I now can't even remember ever having owned ... I regret all the unanswered phone call and (most of) the skipped social events ... I regret not rotating the tires with greater frequency ... I regret not knowing the rules of football, backgammon, Dungeons and Dragons, and not being proficient in darts ... I regret not saving the original Penn Station ... I regret not buying shares of whatever is high now when it was low ... I regret I didn't dispose of our deceased goldfish in a more delightful fashion ... I regret I'm not a better husband, father, grandfather, friend, brother, uncle, cousin, neighbor, in-law, congregant, public servant and citizen ... I regret the many hours lost to doubt, fear and anger ... I regret I didn't write “Man of La Mancha” and better columns every week ... Finally, I regret I'm writing about that which I regret and not about that for which I'm grateful ... Regretfully I didn't think to do so. Maybe next time.

© Copyright © 2009 Ron Goldman Ron Goldman is an attorney in private practice with offices in Cedarhurst and can be reached @ 1-800-846-9013