Resolutions bad and good

Question: Do bad guys make New Year’s resolutions?

Obviously, nice folks do, as they resolve to be nice, to do more and help more, and improve themselves as they improve others.

But what about bad guys? Not necessarily the malevolent, evil guys who plot to take over the world, but rather the bad guys whom we all recognize and who make everybody’s life just a little bit harder. Do those guys make New Year’s resolutions, and if so, what kind?

Well, it turns out that they collectively do, and have even posted them on their own website-for-sore eyes (and heads) entitled “Our Resolutions for 2011, that May Keep Us Out of Heaven,” as follows:

We resolve to do less and demand more.

We resolve to be charitable to those we deem worthy (few as they may be).

As long as things are done to our specification, we resolve to be more patient.

We resolve to be less impatient of the obvious idiots who surround us.

We resolve to at least signal when making illegal turns, and to hit the horn when blowing past stop signs.

We resolve to reach for the cell phone faster when it rings during meetings or ceremonies.

We resolve to pretend to care.

We resolve to keep triple parking to a minimum.

We resolve to continue to ask a million questions in an effort to appear involved.

We resolve to find the fault we know must exist in every new idea.

We resolve to reveal our “anonymous” donations only to those we really need to impress.

On bank, bakery and grocery lines (as well as in politics and business) we resolve to patiently wait our turn (or until the opportunity arises to sneak past unobserved).

We resolve to always say thank you but never be grateful.

We resolve to offend in public and apologize in private.

We resolve not to re-gift stud we’ve used (more than once) nor return items if the damage is obvious.

We resolve to take advantage of only the young, helpless and naïve rather than the ill, elderly and uninformed (unless it’s absolutely in our best interest to do so).

If a smile is truly an umbrella, we resolve to douse a lot of folks with rain … and …

We resolve to acquire only the amount of material possessions necessary to make others jealous or feel inadequate.

So based on the above, it appears that bad guys do make New Year’s resolutions. What’s more important (and more instructive) however; is the fact that they keep them.

Somehow, while all our good intentions and noble resolutions seem to fade by February, the bad guys are able to cling to their commitment to offend and obstruct and injure a wide variety of institutions and individuals throughout the year.

In so doing they are teaching us a new year’s lesson that should never grow old: that we must resolve to be resolute in our promises to make the new year a good year throughout the year, that we won’t falter or fail in our resolution to serve or community and our better nature well and completely throughout 2011 and into the years beyond.

Happy New Year to all the good guys.

© Copyright © 2011 Ron Goldman

Ron Goldman is an attorney in private practice with offices in Cedarhurst and can be reached @ 1-800-846-9013