She’s not fooling around

(Yet another letter from my tough Aunt Zoey whom we all know is nobody’s fool)

Dear Ron(ald):

Last week was an experience I thought I’d share with you and your readers, thus making you a tad smarter, and giving them something worthwhile to read!

Anyway, last Friday I chanced to walk down a local commercial avenue, and was stunned by the absence of double-parked and u-turning vehicles. No one bumped into me while racing past with ear to cell phone, and someone actually held doors open allowing me entrance to the bank and bakery without being trampled. I heard no whining from any child (or adult) and even heard mail carriers, police officers, fire fighters, sanitation workers and store clerks thanked for their respective services. Parents could be seen dropping kids off at school on time with the reminder to be respectful of their teachers, and with the admonition not to text during class. Classical music, rather than endless talk or mindless rock, emanated from car radios and headsets, and folks were headed to an adequate library facility to withdraw books to read, not scan, while talking to each other in full sentences using their tongue, not their thumbs.

Merchants hadn’t hiked up prices in anticipation of the holidays, and newspapers featured principled stories of interest and value rather than padded fluff pandering to advertisers. The roads were finally paved than being continuously “worked over” at inconvenient times, and all the stores were rented and occupied by local shopkeepers who were linked to their customers, and not to a corporate chain. I was treated by a doctor unfettered by government or insurance company and whose (less-than-two-hour) waiting room didn’t offer the doctor’s used magazines devoted to yachting, diamond jewelry and exotic automobiles. I dined out without being reminded of my obesity and of the hazards inherent in every morsel of food, all in the company of true friends who really cared to listen to how I felt and who did so without constantly checking their emails or the other tables. I encountered an elected official who conceded she was merely a custodian of the neighborhood and not its owner or arbiter, as well as folks who followed style not fashion, who knew that “class” was something you had not something you cut, and a gift recipient for whom the thought really did count!!

Of course, last Friday was April First and, as you probably have already guessed, this entire letter was an April Fools gag. Yet what really makes it an April Fools joke is that it describes events, circumstances, characters and behaviors that we have every right to expect of ourselves and of others, and that we are April Fools (and January, February, March, May, June, etc. Fools) for not demanding it. My little April Fools letter didn’t describe outrageous, miraculous impossibilities like the instant elimination of war, pestilence or poverty, but rather stuff that we are all fools not to insist upon every day.

Civility, efficiency, courtesy, modesty, loyalty, and honesty ought not be the stuff of April Fools fantasy. The first of April is special because one day a year others are allowed to make fools of us, we should live out lives however in such a way that during the rest of the year we don’t make fools of ourselves nor are we treated as such. With fool-proof advice, As ever, Aunt Zoey.

© Copyright 2011

Ron Goldman can be reached @ 1-800-846-9013.