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That’s The Way Things Are

My World

Screw you.

No, I’m serious.

I’m going to do whatever the hell I want.

I mean, I might as well take a page out of everyone else’s book and at least even the playing field.

After all, this is the mentality that an awful lot of people abide by, and I had a personal experience again last weekend which is a perfect illustration of this unfortunate trend. I was at the beach club in Atlantic Beach, sitting in an open area doing some work on my laptop. For years I’ve done this at the club without incident. But in the middle of the afternoon, four or five little kids came running through, maybe six, seven, eight years old or so. One little boy with a water gun — looking right at me and seeing a laptop — fired his water gun and sent water all over my keyboard and mouse pad.

Now let’s be clear, right from the start… This isn’t about the kid. He’s eight years old. Kids make mistakes and that’s how they learn — I hope — so that they don’t make the same mistakes when they get older and become adolescents and then adults.

This is about the parents.

When I found his parents and went over to them to discuss what happened, their response was beyond obnoxious. Since it was a child and since it occurred in a public area, they insisted, they aren’t at all responsible. And they had a major attitude about it, telling me I could even talk to cops and lawyers if I’d want to see that they’re correct.

Really?

You really believe that you have no responsibility for your child, because, in effect, he is a child? And also tossing in for good measure, since it occurred in a public area for club members?

REALLY?

You don’t think you’re accountable for your children and their behavior? What the hell goes through your mind that you actually believe…

No, never mind. I’m not even going to go there. That’s another column in …   More

That’s The Way Things Are

Who’s Really Chicken?

I’m back from a brief hiatus, and just in time in fact, to see the United States default for the first time in history.

Oh… Wait, what?

We didn’t default? A last–minute deal was struck to avoid the default?

Oh, ok, thanks for straightening me out on that.

I mean, it seemed that we were destined for a default, considering how our duly elected representatives in Washington DC were playing a game of political chicken with the negotiations. Watching the back and forth between the parties, it appeared that getting the edge on the political front was more in play than actually coming to terms on a compromise and keeping the country fully operational.

Really? That’s your priority? Advancing the cause of your respective political party, not keeping your nation properly fiscally functional? Not to mention trying to make the opposition party look bad and blaming them for the mess with some political cheap shots, in an effort to help your re-election cause, even while knowing that something like 96% of incumbents retain their seats.

Really?

This is just one instance, however, of the bigger issue — we are an extremely polarized nation, politically.

This is a “chicken or egg” situation though. Which came first — the intense animosity in Washington magnified through the lens of the media and then rubbing off on the population? Or, the public at large becoming more and more intense and politically motivated in over-the-top ways, and politicians recognizing that and trying to give their constituents what they want?

That’s not precisely the bigger issue though.

The issue isn’t which came first or why it occurred in the first place. The issue is that, it is, in fact, the current political climate in our nation. For a number of years now, the level of venom in play in our national discourse has risen to an unprecedented level. The only thing that outpaces the hatred the right …   More

That’s The Way Things Are

Settling Down vs. Settling

It can get lonely at times, I admit it.

I mean, everyone’s been there and can relate.

Being single can be, well, challenging.

Being one of the single people — if not the sole single person — amongst groups of friends and couples… at a wedding… at a family event… You’ve gotta love getting asked “So, when are you going to settle down?” fifteen times at a four hour party. Regardless, being single can make for interesting circumstances.

As a result, people often end up just kinda going with whatever they can get in their dating life. A.K.A., settling for what they can get — someone who they don’t find as attractive as they’d like, or even don’t really find terribly attractive at all, someone who doesn’t have many of the personality traits which they’d like in a partner. Or even someone who doesn’t want the same things or share the same values.

Of course, I have many friends in relationships and know many other people who are in relationships as well, whether as boyfriend and girlfriend, engaged, or married. Some of those relationships, I’m sure, will be successful and last forever. And then, there are the others. The relationships that I look at and think to myself “There’s no way this is going to last.” And that’s applicable to married and engaged couples I know as well. The common thread that I see in all those relationships that seem destined to fail is that one, if not both of the people in them seem to be settling for the person they’ve chosen as their partner.

And I get it, I do. I get the rationale for why people settle at times. People don’t want to be alone. They want a partner. Someone they can trust and count on. Hell, I want all of that stuff, too. But settling doesn’t come from a place of logic and common sense, but rather hurt emotions and most of all, frustration.

Settling is a …   More

Guest column

Is the bloom off the rose?

In 1932, Franklin Delano Roosevelt used the song “Happy days are here again!” in his successful presidential campaign. The lyrics evoke both the optimism and buoyancy that was badly needed during the Depression years to restore confidence in government planning and policy.

In a press release issued on June 24, Gov. Andrew Cuomo also accentuated the positive, announcing “progress on historic initiatives, action on issues that have been left unresolved for decades, and a legislative session that has delivered results.” He also applauded both house leaders and members of the Legislature for passing these unprecedented reforms.

Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos, for his part, said he was also “extremely proud of the many accomplishments the past several weeks have brought” and cited the passage of measures that will “create jobs, bring needed tax relief to homeowners and businesses, reduce the regulatory burden facing local governments, enable our state universities to grow and our students excel, and improve the process for creating more clean, reliable and affordable energy.”

Last, but certainly not least, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver stated: “This has been a singularly productive session for the people of New York. On major issues which in the past have been stalled, we have settled our differences without compromising principles.”

I’m not quite sure we should all be enamored of what we are reading, or observing and, indeed, the bloom may already be starting to come off the rose.

Cuomo, in a New York Times column published on July 14, said he was “heartened by the accomplishments of his first six months — particularly the passage of a property-tax cap and the legalization of same-sex marriage — in a state capital divided by party and infamous for corruption and dysfunction.” But he attributed his legislative success to “a set of reasons that I don’t know are necessarily replicable.” He also highlighted …   More

Guest Column

As promised: keeping tabs

Gov. Andrew Cuomo: “We made a difference.”

That quote appeared in a June 27 Newsday story explaining how Andrew, Dean (Skelos) and Sheldon (Silver) fared in the tumultuous legislative session that came to a close last week. The paper’s overall assessment is positive, with the New York Post also crediting the governor with “political skills, the likes of which [haven’t] been seen in the Capital for 50 years.”

On the assumption of truly achievable results, the accolades being expressed are warranted, at least for the time being. But I tend to be a bit more pragmatic in assessing performance. Cuomo did indeed push through a reduced spending budget without new taxes and also a game-changing property tax cap, the ramifications of which have yet to be realized. He accomplished (for the most part) what he promised to do when he ran for elected office, like it or not.

Despite those achievements, we are still light years away from actually realizing real reform. A number of examples come to mind. I mentioned in my column, “Stop the shenanigans,” (June 23-29) that the governor’s approach to pension reform avoids dealing with many of the well-publicized absurdities in the current system. A recent New York Times editorial disagrees with my assessment, suggesting that Cuomo’s approach, while more conciliatory than that of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, is as effective. I suggest Cuomo should examine the legislation just approved by the New Jersey Assembly. This law specifies adjustments that might just save $132 billion in labor costs over the next 30 years. Of particular note, if approved, these changes will affect more than 500,000 New Jersey state, county, town and school district employees, imposing mandatory pension and benefit funding requirements.

With state spending in mind, I also question whether the governor’s Spending and Government Efficiency (SAGE) Commission will ever accomplish anything productive. Why? It appears to be …   More

Guest Column

Stop the shenanigans

In the course of producing guest columns for the Herald, I’ve had an opportunity to review the political machinations in Albany in some detail. My first eight columns left little doubt that a wide range of serious problems preclude the possibility of an effective, efficient government.

Our newly elected governor addressed these concerns in his “State of the State” message, promising to get the state’s fiscal house in order; radically redesign our governmental structures and operations and restore integrity and performance to state government. In particular, he envisions the transformation of a government known for dysfunction, gridlock and corruption, to a government of performance, integrity and pride. An interesting set of metaphors displayed on a banner of hope for all to see.

“Albany’s fiscal crisis and the road to redemption,” published on Jan. 13, leveraged the address, emphasizing what is actually required to restore confidence in our broken political process. Five additional columns commented on the shenanigans evident in dealing with both the budget deficit and the process.

Assuming your interest in the subject of reform, it is fair to ask if we are any better off today than when all of the exuberance expressed made headlines. Even more importantly, is there any way we can really assess performance? My next three columns will examine this question in detail, focusing on key stakeholders’ accomplishments in the reform process. For now let’s do an overall assessment.

Two hot topics are making news. In an attempt to stem the ruinous growth in New York’s public pensions, to his credit, Gov. Andrew Cuomo wants to create a new pension tier that would save billions over the next 30 years, a grand plan that hardly addresses the absurdities of the current system. Ethics reform is equally disingenuous, with a 113-page bill that would require lawmakers to disclose only new client relationships “brought” in after 2012. Ultimate …   More

That’s The Way Things Are

Happy Father’s Day

After a week off, I’m back just in time to wish a belated Happy Father’s Day to all of the dad’s out there and everyone celebrating.

A number of weeks ago, as many of you will remember, I wrote a column titled “My Mr. Feeny,” about my mentor of sorts, Roger Humes, and my relationship with him. As I discussed at that time, one reason that relationship is so special to me is that, in realistic terms, I don’t have a father.

I mean, obviously I have a “father.” I know how the birds and the bees work…

Somehow, my “father” read that column and, apparently, all of my columns. I’ve not spoken to him in quite a number of years now, so, I’m not quite sure how he found out that I have a column or where to find it. My best guess is that he just Googled my name in general and my column popped up as one of the search results.

My birthday rolled around not too long after that column ran, and I actually received a birthday card in the mail from my “father.” I’ve received a card from him for my birthday each of the last several years, with a simple, short note that he wrote in it.

This time, however, was different…

It was in that card from him that I learned that he’d read that column. He evidently reads my column regularly, from what I could gather. He inserted a piece of paper into the card on which he typed a longer note. And on this note he wrote that he was upset to learn that I feel I don’t really have a father, and confused about why I feel that way.

Seriously? Are you freakin’ kidding me?

It takes more than that previously mentioned birds and bees “donation” to be a father. I’ve learned that, unfortunately, that concept is lost on many people… and my “father” is one of those people.

Even after everything that happened and was done by my “father” when I was a …   More

That’s The Way Things Are

Don’t Take It For Granted

There’s really nothing to write about this week.

Seriously.

I mean, I know it’s weird for me to say that but, nothing major happened this week that stood out in my mind.

Usually, of course, there’s something poignant on my mind that I then write about and share with all of you…

But this week… Yeah, not so much.

Don’t get me wrong… on the whole, it was a fine week… there was just nothing extraordinary that happened.

That was my thought process when I was thinking about this week’s column, even when I opened my laptop to start to write. But then I got to thinking… why do we always need “something” to happen?

So many of us are conditioned to needing and expecting something extraordinary to happen at least every bunch of days… whether it be something strange, or exciting, or dramatic, or even positive, that we get upset if it doesn’t occur.

But why do we feel that need? Or more importantly, should we really have that mindset and mentality and feel that need to always have “something” occur?

I mean, I get the appeal of something happening, whether it’s positive or negative; it gets the blood flowing, the adrenaline going, and invokes emotions in us… it makes us feel something, even if it’s negative, and gets us excited.

But, again, why do we need that? Why isn’t everyday life enough for us, even just from time to time? We (hopefully) have jobs that we like and enjoy and find fulfilling…

OK, OK, that one can be a hard sell at times, and not everyone is fortunate enough to have that be the case for them, I’ll give you that one…

BUT… the vocational aspect certainly isn’t the only element of our everyday life which, I hope, brings us all joy and pleasure. We have the simple things like the music we enjoy and the TV shows we watch. We have the restaurants and …   More

The way things are

Days Gone By…

My birthday is this week.

I’ll be 28.

Damn, that went fast.

Birthdays can be a time for celebration, but also a time for self-reflection and re-evaluation. We get so lost in the pattern of our everyday lives and the process of running our lives each day, but the time of year a birthday rolls around can provide a good opportunity to take a real look at everything in the big picture.

We have so many goals and aspirations in different arenas of our lives, and sometimes we accomplish those goals and other times we fall short, still striving to achieve them. And I’m certainly no different in that regard, on both sides of the spectrum…

Career-wise and in respect to relationships, I’ve had some good, and some bad. And that’s certainly also par for the course for most people out there. But, there are unquestionably things that I’ve not yet achieved and accomplished that I want to do. I’ve had some great relationships, but I do want to eventually meet the right woman and get married, and have a kid or two. If my mother has her way I’ll have more than one, including at least one daughter, but that’s another story entirely…

Vocationally, I’ve been with four major broadcast and cable networks, and a few production companies, and of course, I now write this column as well. But there are even bigger and better things that I want to accomplish — continuing to develop as a writer, and getting involved with more television projects, this time my own.

One of my favorite quotes actually comes from Will Smith. He said “Being realistic is the easiest traveled road to mediocrity.” So true, so true. After all, if you don’t dream big in the first place, you can’t achieve anything extraordinary. And, while I know some people surely won’t concur with that viewpoint and modus operandi, I certainly abide by it, and have for …   More

That’s The Way Things Are

They’ve Got Driver’s Licenses?

Driving turns people into morons.

OK, maybe that’s a little harsh.

I mean, being behind the wheel turns a lot of people into morons, I suppose I should say.

Maybe not you, perhaps, but certainly a good number of our fellow drivers.

This topic is consistently on my mind and shown to be true, unfortunately, because of the consistency with which I encounter ridiculousness on the road. But it really jumped a bit more to the forefront of my consciousness again after something that occurred at the end of last week.

I was at my library here in Hewlett doing some work, in a study room with a window that looks out onto the parking lot. I heard some honking out there so I turned to my left to see out the window a silver Toyota cut off — of all people — my mother, to slide into a handicapped parking space.

Irate, I jumped out of my seat and walked out the front door. The driver of the car in question, a man in his 60’s or so, was still outside, in front of his car, and I told him I had just watched him cut off my mother’s car to take the handicapped spot in which his car now sat. He insisted that he hadn’t cut anyone off and that he zipped over to the spot from the other side of the lot — despite seeing my mother’s car sitting right there with her signal on — because he’d been “waiting 20 minutes” for a space.

I explained to him that a person couldn’t “steal” his space just because he had been waiting far away at the other side of the parking lot, and to my surprise, he actually grudgingly moved his car. I couldn’t believe what I’d seen, nor his ridiculous response and rationale. And perhaps what was most shocking to me… he actually seemed to genuinely believe what he was saying to me.

This is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Like me, I’m sure you all have seen a plethora of different …   More

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