Remembering a cherished friendship with Nelson DeMille

The bestselling, superbly gifted novelist Nelson DeMille recently died. The author of 23 books, including 17 bestsellers, DeMille was so much more than a brilliant writer. He was first and foremost an outstanding human being and a loyal friend.

The first book of his that I read was “Cathedral,” in the early 1980s. It was a gripping tale of an attack on the St. Patrick’s Day Parade and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. I was hooked. Among all of Demille’s books, I found “Gold Coast,” a satiric depiction of Long Island’s North Shore, to be a true classic. My wife, Rosemary, became an almost obsessive reader of his works.

I didn’t actually meet DeMille until the early 2000s, when I was privileged to be invited to several lunches hosted by Mets owner Fred Wilpon and New York jurist Sol Wachtler at which DeMille was also a guest. I was struck immediately by what a regular guy he was. Totally unassuming and down-to-earth. Humorous. Extremely intelligent, and knowledgeable on so many topics. Never once telling us how many bestsellers he authored, or mentioning his service in Vietnam as an infantry commander, for which he was awarded a Bronze Star.

Those early gatherings opened the way for lunches, dinners and social gatherings at which Rosemary and I would see Nelson and his wife, Sandy, as well as get-togethers he and I would have with guys we each knew. I distinctly recall the wonderful evening Rosemary and I enjoyed at DeMille’s home, celebrating his 75th birthday with his family and a multitude of friends.

Conversations with him ran the gamut of his varied interests, including dedication to his family and his concern for others. Nothing was more saddening or distressing than when Sandy, a non-smoker, was stricken with lung cancer. The years following her diagnosis in 2014 were marked by peaks of hope, but then by the darkest valley in 2018, when Sandy succumbed after waging a courageous, uncomplaining struggle.

She was an absolute delight to be with. Intelligent and always upbeat. Sandy was the center of her husband’s life. She was especially friendly with Rosemary, who, in what turned out to be Sandy’s final social event, invited her to a formal congressional lunch in Washington honoring then first lady Melania Trump.

That evening, Sandy joined Rosemary, our daughter, Erin, and me for dinner at a Capitol Hill restaurant, and she was as outgoing and upbeat as ever. Just months later, in September 2018, she died. As devastated as he was, Nelson never showed even the slightest bit of self-pity.

Rosemary and I continued to get together with DeMille and, if anything, our friendship and admiration for him only deepened. More than ever, I realized that, with all his fame and success, he was, at heart, still the blue-collar guy who grew up in Elmont. Though he moved easily with the socially upscale and the movers and shakers, he very much identified with cops, firefighters, construction workers and military veterans. Those were the people who, through guts and dedication, make our nation work with little recognition or acclaim.

DeMille also never left Long Island. His roots were here, and this was where he stayed.

He continued his literary efforts, writing, as always, in longhand on yellow legal pads, and rushing feverishly to meet his publisher’s deadlines. His final work was “Blood Line,” published in 2023, which he co-wrote with his son, Alex. Last Oct. 11 I had the privilege of moderating a discussion of “Blood Line” with the two of them before a large audience at LIU Post.

Weeks later, on Oct. 28, Rosemary, and I got together with DeMille at the Paramount, in Huntington, at a reception prior to a performance by Bill O’Reilly and Sid Rosenberg. DeMille was in good spirits, and seemed entirely healthy, but that was the last time we were with him. Soon after, he let us know he was being treated for cancer, but was confident all would be well.

This went on for months. On June 6, Rosemary received an email from him, saying he had just one procedure left, and then we’d be getting together for dinner. That was the last we heard from him. Nelson died of esophageal cancer on Sept. 17.
His wake and funeral, attended by hundreds of admirers and friends, were a celebration of a wonderful man of great accomplishment. He will be missed. Nelson DeMille, R.I.P.

Peter King is a former congressman, and a former chair of the House Committee on Homeland Security. Comments? pking@ liherald.com.